


Jade is Asexual

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-28
Updated: 2012-03-28
Packaged: 2017-11-02 15:05:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/370307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I pretty much wrote this in one day. It's the first fanfic I've written so yup it's short. Constructive criticism is awesome because I love to write and yes. Also I'm not entirely sure how to change the color/font in the pesterchum conversations just yet? I'll go back and fix it once I know what the hell I'm doing.</p><p>Karkat and John have a movie night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jade is Asexual

**Author's Note:**

> Also hi guys my homestuck tumblr is cynicalluminary, if you want to pester me to write more. And my normal tublr is lag-bolt

Jade is asexual.

You really should have fucking seen this coming. After you heard the words from John Egbert, you were almost surprised at how disappointed you were.

Asexual?? That shouldn’t even be a thing. Why the hell did that have to be a thing??

\----------------------------------

Karkat rather promptly cut off the call with his human friend and let out a particularly nasty string of curses. They—the trolls—had helped their new human friends beat the game a while ago. It seemed like AGES. Though it had only been about half of one human “year”, which was apparently the stupid time system they were using on their new planet.

Oh right, the new planet. Karkat had left his desk to peer out the window in his respi—bedroom. His bedroom. It was rather like earth, with a sun nowhere near as harsh as that of Alternia. The sun was now setting, throwing bright oranges and pinks into the sky near the far horizon. When they all met up at the end of the game, the humans and trolls had finally met in person. And Jade Harley was actually much more appealing in person. Even though she was still soft and weak and pink and hornless. Despite their species differences, Karkat definitely knew he harbored flushed feelings for her, deep down. VERY DEEP DOWN. And when he finally managed to ask John about the human girl, Egbert’s statement was slightly more than disappointing…

\------------------------------

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 22:08 –

EB: karkaaaaaaat?

EB: sorry about the jade thing..

EB: but umm you sort of hung up before I could ask you my question!

EB: remember!

You glared at your dinging computer and went over to see what the ever-hating fuck John wanted.

CG: FUCK

EB: karkat!

CG: ASK YOUR QUESTION BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT ANSWERING YOU

EB: okay well

EB: you know vriska……..

CG: YES JOHN ARE YOU GOING TO SIT HERE AND FUCKING TELL ME THINGS I ALREADY KNOW OR WHAT.

EB: okay okay

EB: does she like me?

CG: THIS IS SUCH A CHILDISH FUCKING QUESTION

EB: karkat wait!

EB: pleeeeeeeease help me out here

CG: I THOUGHT SHE FUCKING TOLD YOU HERSELF

CG: DIDN’T SHE?

EB: well yeah but

CG: BUT WHAT.

EB: umm, does she feel flushed for me is what i’m asking i guess

CG: OH MY GOD

EB: karkat..?

CG: OH MY FUCKING BULGE SUCKING NOOK BITING GOD

CG: YOU’RE FLUSHED FOR HER??

CG: JOHN

CG: NO.

EB: but karkat

CG: NO

CG: NO TALKING

CG: STAY AWAY FROM HER

CG: I THINK SHE IS SORT OF FLUSHED FOR YOU, BUT SHE WOULD MUCH RATHER PERSUE HER STUPID BLACK ADVANCES WITH STRIDER THAN A SILLY REDROM WITH YOU JOHN

EB: oh

CG: ARE YOU STILL THERE OR WHAT

CG: DO I HAVE TO COME CHECK ON YOU

EB: no its cool

EB: haha no big deal!

EB: thanks karkat!

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 22:29 –

CG: JOHN

CG: UGH

\---------------------

Your name is John Egbert and you are definitely not crying a little nope not at all. You didn’t mean to end your conversation with Karkat so suddenly, but you really didn’t want to keep thinking about Vriska. At first you didn’t think you liked her that way! You really really didn’t, you felt like she was just a friend! But after spending the past few months around her every day you sort of kind of felt a bit more for her. Even though Karkat and Dave both warned you to stay away from her. When a new pesterchum window popped open you froze.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 22:29 –

TG: you should try these hate makeouts everyone talks about

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 22:29 –

Your name is John Egbert and you are sobbing.

\-----------------------

You didn’t talk to Dave at all for the following week, and it felt so horribly _wrong._ Dave was your best bro, and you had never gone more than a day without talking to him! But he was with either Vriska or Terezi _all the time!_ Without him around, you found yourself talking to Karkat and spending time with him a lot more. And it seemed like he was somewhat willing to be around you without making it difficult the whole time. Probably because of the Jade thing.

But you had no idea that he actually wasn’t that upset about the Jade thing. In fact, he was over the Jade thing by now.

One night you convinced Karkat to come over and watch movies with you. You tried to get him to watch Con Air, but that was a huge “NO!” and you really wanted him to stay so you settled on a romcom that Karkat liked. Karkat also brought over some weird Alternian snacks along with the movie. None of them resembled foods that you were used to, but after a few tastes you quickly realized _all of them tasted like candy_ so you happily ate LOTS of it. Karkat was starting to give you odd looks after you had consumed at least two dozen little treats.

\-------------------

“John, what the fuck. Do you seriously feel okay after eating all of that..?” You paused the movie because you were starting to feel just a little concerned. John had eaten fucking _two dozen_ of those treats and eating too many was practically the same as eating sopor slime, or having one-too-many human “beers”.

“I feel _amazing_.” He giggled. You gave him a look of disgust and he just giggled even more as he slumped to the side to lean on you. The second John tried to give you a hug you jumped to your feet and knocked your shin on the coffee table so hard that it toppled over.

 “SHIT JEGUS FUCK JOHN LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!!” You clutched your leg because even though trolls were a lot tougher than humans, that still hurt _a whole fucking lot_.

“Karkaaaaaaaat, just sit down so we can watch the movie..” John gently tugged on your sleeve and you slowly sank back into the spot where you’d been sitting. As soon as you did, John was fucking nuzzling into you like Nepeta or something.

“John!”

“But Karkat you’re so _warm_ and I just wanna cuddle! Jeez!”

“What the hell is this, Mr. John I-am-not-a-homosexual Egbert??”

“Shhhhhh Karkat play the movie!”

“John—“ Suddenly your human friend had planted a stupid kiss on your cheek. You tensed up and frowned. “John you need to stop it. That candy fucked you up and—“ You tried to push John away, but suddenly he was getting into your lap and straddling you and oh what the hell is going on—

Oh.

His lips are soft.

John had kissed you on the lips this time and at first you had grabbed his shoulders tightly to push him away, but when he kissed you your grip went slack. His stupid ugly buck teeth that ok _maybe weren’t that ugly_ kept bumping against your lips and you were sort of hoping he wasn’t a very good kisser because of the candies. But that didn’t matter right now.

“John..” You mumbled quietly when his lips finally let up for a moment.

“Hmm?”

“Are you sure about …whatever it is you’re doing?” You looked at him seriously and he just gave you that stupid derpy smile and fucking laughed.

“Nope!” He was just as fucking cheery and chipper as always…

Then he was kissing you again, and after a while you realized one of your hands was in his hair and the other was at the small of his back and you two were definitely engaged in sloppy makeouts. John’s hands started to move down your chest, lower, lower…

You broke away with a gasp when he unbuttoned your pants. “John!!”

“What??” He looked completely startled, and those blue eyes went wider than you’d ever seen.

“You can’t… John.. You’re not fucking sober right now okay! You have to stop!”

“Shhhhhhhh, just relax Karkat…”

“No, I won’t fucking—“

“Karkat _stop_ okayyyyyyyy—“

You tried to fight him, but he plunged a hand into your pants and his nimble, piano-playing fingers gripped your bare bulge and you couldn’t stop yourself from the small moan that escaped your lips. John’s cheeks were flushed and you had almost forgotten his blood was actually the same color as yours. John looked sort of cute like that and oh god. You realized you had started making that low, soft rumbling sound when John pulled your bulge out to start stroking it.

“Karkat,” He laughed. “ You’re purring!”

“Shut up, nooksniffer..” You mumbled past the purring. John beamed and suddenly began moving his hand again. You forgot what you had intended to say next and moaned as your tense muscles finally began to relax for the first time in weeks. For a while the only sounds you made were moans and the constant low purr that you really couldn’t control. When John’s hand left your aching bulge you fucking whined like a stupid grub and your eyes snapped open.

“John don’t fucking—“ Your words were lost when your gaze fell on John stripping his clothes off. “… Oh.” Was all you mumbled before he returned to your lap and scooted close to you so his human bulge was resting against yours.

“Karkat..?”

“What..” His hand wrapped around both your length and his and you reluctantly looked up into his eyes.

“Just… Stop talking.” He mumbled and kissed you. His hand moved at an agonizingly slow pace until you tangled your fingers in his hair and gave a tug. He whimpered and it was... it was hot. John started pumping his hand faster, squeezing your bulge against his. You tore your lips from his and panted. “G-gonna…” John’s hand suddenly sped up and he fucking keened the second you hit your peak and moaned loudly. When you finally had the courage to open your eyes he was still sitting in your lap and you both had genetic material on your stomachs. Ugh, it was a mess… But John looked so adorable, sitting there on your lap and giving you a dumb fucking shy smile that was too adorable to be legal.

“Thanks for coming over…” He whispered after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah.” You mumbled. You didn’t know what else to say. What he expected you to say.

John hugged you and for once you actually wrapped your arms around him and returned the gesture.

“Your candies actually didn’t do too much to me.” His breath tickled your ear as he spoke and you felt your cheeks grow hot and turn red.

“You were fucking acting?!”

“Shhhhh! Karkat…”

“John you’re such a fucking asshole!” You snapped and he looked like a fucking kicked puppy or something. He started to get up off of you but you held onto him and growled. “John.”

“What..”

“Look at me fuckass.” His bright blue eyes drifted up to your face and you kissed him. “Thanks..” You mumbled and blushed. John’s smile returned immediately and he suddenly started off on a tangent about how Vriska was nice and all, but he really actually liked you a lot and all sorts of mushy human crap. While he talked you removed your shirt and wiped the two of you off, then followed him to his bedroom and actually decided to spend the night. John nuzzled into you and you think it was actually the first time you fell asleep with a smile on your face.


End file.
